Post by Falconer on Nov 28, 2007 20:06:10 GMT
This is the first in a series of guides for the Total Imbecile in us on how to deal with life.
DATING:
Dating is an art form that is appreciated by few. The intricacies are many and the solutions vague. Here it is, however, how to get a date in five easy steps. For boys:
GETTING A DATE
Step 1:ASK HER OUT.
This step is put off for so long by many boys, yet it is the only way to step 2. At this point, if you are the timid kind, a beer may help. (Warning: that was a joke.) Just remember that no one will laugh at you for asking, unless in doing so you say or do something embaressing. Ask her out to dinner. Breakfast is out of the question unless you are calling at 3:30 AM, which I do not advise.
Step 2: TAKE HER OUT ON A DATE.
Not to be confused with taking her out with a sniper rifle. Take her to somewhere you think she would like to go. Don't know where she likes? ASK. You'd be surprised at how many times this part is neglected.
THE DATE
Step 3: ACTING, or HOW TO BEHAVE.
Hold the door for her. Pull out her chair for her. Help her in any way that seems courteous to you. No escuses, being pleasent and nice goes a lot further than looks. Also be on your best behavior, and keep her in mind. She's Mormon? Don't order beer or wine. She's Jewish? Stay away from pork. Get the point? It's not about you, it's about her. At the same time, don't smother her. Too much consideration is almost as bad as too little.
AFTER THE MEAL
Step 4: AFTERMATH
This is it. The aftermath, when everything balances on a knife's edge. Drive her home. When you are there, bid her good night and make sure she gets home safe. Kissing is not advised, as both parties may not be ready yet. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES enter her house if her parents/roomate are absent. One thing leads to another, and disaster quickly follows. Sex is to be avoided like the plague. It causes too many problems and is generally a VERY BAD idea.
Step 5: At this point you are on your own. My advice is:
A: if you agree to do something, do it. This will win many points.
B: never, ever, ever, ever stand her up. Always be where you say you will be.
C: be considerate of her. Keep in mind what you think you are saying and what she hears can be different.
D: the dreaded question: "Does this [name of clothing item] make me look fat?" There is no right answer, but the following are best:
"You look lovely." (if you like it)
"I don't like it as much as [name of previous item]." (if the clothing item in question looks like a reject from hell's laundromat.)
DATING FOR GIRLS
GETTING A DATE
Step 1: LOOK CUTE AND BE PATIENT
Girls get dates easier than guys for two reasons:
A: they are less likely to do something repulsive.
B: they are better at the Looking Attractive part.
But there is still work. Guys may need to work up courage to ask you. Try to be receptive when they do. Also, it is up to you to make sure that it is The Guy you want to spend your life wiht, as guys are rather indiscriminate. (Sorry, guys.)
Step 2: GO ON A DATE
Let him know, as meekly as possible, what places you would like to go to. Be sensitive of his culture. (see step 3 for guys.) And be patient. Sometimes they are thick-headed and need several reminders.
THE DATE
Step 3: ACTING, or HOW TO BEHAVE
The same rules apply here as for guys.
AFTER THE MEAL
Step 4: THE AFTERMATH
Let him drive you to your house. Thank him for the wonderful time. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to invite him in, for the same reasons that he isn't supposed to accept. Unless your parents or roommate are there.
Step 5: FINAL ADVICE
The rules of engagement are the same for boys and girls, only the roles are different. always keep in mind that you are choosing a life partner, and that dating is not some casual game, but the search for a spouse, and you will always win!
This message brought to you by Falconer. All rights reserved.
DATING:
Dating is an art form that is appreciated by few. The intricacies are many and the solutions vague. Here it is, however, how to get a date in five easy steps. For boys:
GETTING A DATE
Step 1:ASK HER OUT.
This step is put off for so long by many boys, yet it is the only way to step 2. At this point, if you are the timid kind, a beer may help. (Warning: that was a joke.) Just remember that no one will laugh at you for asking, unless in doing so you say or do something embaressing. Ask her out to dinner. Breakfast is out of the question unless you are calling at 3:30 AM, which I do not advise.
Step 2: TAKE HER OUT ON A DATE.
Not to be confused with taking her out with a sniper rifle. Take her to somewhere you think she would like to go. Don't know where she likes? ASK. You'd be surprised at how many times this part is neglected.
THE DATE
Step 3: ACTING, or HOW TO BEHAVE.
Hold the door for her. Pull out her chair for her. Help her in any way that seems courteous to you. No escuses, being pleasent and nice goes a lot further than looks. Also be on your best behavior, and keep her in mind. She's Mormon? Don't order beer or wine. She's Jewish? Stay away from pork. Get the point? It's not about you, it's about her. At the same time, don't smother her. Too much consideration is almost as bad as too little.
AFTER THE MEAL
Step 4: AFTERMATH
This is it. The aftermath, when everything balances on a knife's edge. Drive her home. When you are there, bid her good night and make sure she gets home safe. Kissing is not advised, as both parties may not be ready yet. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES enter her house if her parents/roomate are absent. One thing leads to another, and disaster quickly follows. Sex is to be avoided like the plague. It causes too many problems and is generally a VERY BAD idea.
Step 5: At this point you are on your own. My advice is:
A: if you agree to do something, do it. This will win many points.
B: never, ever, ever, ever stand her up. Always be where you say you will be.
C: be considerate of her. Keep in mind what you think you are saying and what she hears can be different.
D: the dreaded question: "Does this [name of clothing item] make me look fat?" There is no right answer, but the following are best:
"You look lovely." (if you like it)
"I don't like it as much as [name of previous item]." (if the clothing item in question looks like a reject from hell's laundromat.)
DATING FOR GIRLS
GETTING A DATE
Step 1: LOOK CUTE AND BE PATIENT
Girls get dates easier than guys for two reasons:
A: they are less likely to do something repulsive.
B: they are better at the Looking Attractive part.
But there is still work. Guys may need to work up courage to ask you. Try to be receptive when they do. Also, it is up to you to make sure that it is The Guy you want to spend your life wiht, as guys are rather indiscriminate. (Sorry, guys.)
Step 2: GO ON A DATE
Let him know, as meekly as possible, what places you would like to go to. Be sensitive of his culture. (see step 3 for guys.) And be patient. Sometimes they are thick-headed and need several reminders.
THE DATE
Step 3: ACTING, or HOW TO BEHAVE
The same rules apply here as for guys.
AFTER THE MEAL
Step 4: THE AFTERMATH
Let him drive you to your house. Thank him for the wonderful time. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to invite him in, for the same reasons that he isn't supposed to accept. Unless your parents or roommate are there.
Step 5: FINAL ADVICE
The rules of engagement are the same for boys and girls, only the roles are different. always keep in mind that you are choosing a life partner, and that dating is not some casual game, but the search for a spouse, and you will always win!
This message brought to you by Falconer. All rights reserved.
